Rostdanmi?:)

Har qanday holatda, chuqur va zamirida aniq maqsdalar yotgan harakat bugunga kelib shunchaki shakli ommalashib, shamoyili borgan sari yo'qolib borayotgandek go'yo. Nimadir qilish uchun maqsad emas, balki qilindimi - qilindi qabilida ish tutish juda ommalashdi. Aslida bu bilan kimnidir aldayotgan bo'lsak, bu alaoqibat faqat o'zimiz ekani esa esdan chiqib qolmayotganmikin..

Thoughts in the margin

All of us, sooner or later come to the point in our lives when something extraordinary happens and we realize all the relationships we have been in and the people we allowed to walk into our lives and indulge themselves with abundance of our heart-felt feelings and child-like purity were not what we thought they were. They were all wrong.. At least most of them. But this is only the beginning of what I call, a personality switch, that hits most of us as we enter the world of post 20s.. Is this the end or the beginning of our real values unfolding before our eyes as we grow old? Or rather, oldER.. This is where I have a problem with an age-old philosophy of ageing - that tends to claim we are supposed to get slower, blinder and less ambitious. My counter-argument to that is almost the same as another age-old approach which says practice makes perfect. I wonder what happens when alongside our tendency to hone our skills and capabilities to earn, collect, increase and destroy - we also hone our ability to build, improve and constantly revive our inborn wish for ... feeling good and wanting to do more and more of it to others. Everyday. Really. Every single day.

...birov ko'rmaydi.

Yillar bag’riga otilgan hissiyotlar hazon fasli qahridan bekingan kapalak misol, yana osudalik yeli esishini kutib yashayveradi.. Bu holatning ilohiy jihati – tabiiylikdan o’ta mustasnoligida. Oyna ortidagi qahraton izg’irin va jazirama issiqni qanchalik uzoq kuzatmang, bu kuzatuv sizga ularning tig’iga bardosh bo’la oladigan na chidam va na subut beradi. Men aytayotgan hislarning ilohiyligi esa nigohlar ortidagi sukunatdan kuch olib, vaqt o’tgani sari uqubat, og’riq va umidsizlik yomg’iri – achchiq ko’z yoshlar panohidan  tobora uzoqlashib borishida.. Ruhiy savlatimiz shunday yuksalib boradiki, endi ularsiz – ko’z yoshlarisiz ham bemalol oh chekaveramiz, yig’layveramiz.. Faqat buni boshqa birov ko’rmaydi.

Lahzada umr

Lahza betakror. Hayotimizning deyarli asosiy qismini o’z hukmiga osonlikcha bo’ysundirgan har qanday vaqt oralig’ini bu his bilan izohlash menimcha – jinoyat. 

Umrimiz keluvchi va ketuvchi tuyg’ular, kelguvchi va abadiy qoluvchi taassurotlar bilan o’tib borar ekan, uning fojeali darajadagi kichik zarrasinigini lahzaga tenglashtirish mumkin. Bu vaqt mas, bu tiriklik belgisi bo’lgan iztirob va yoki sog’inch ham emas. Bu shunchaki favqulotda shuurimizda jonlanadigan va uni astoydil anglab yetgunimizga qadar yana sarob misol g’oyib bo’ladigan oniy borliq. 

Qanchadan qancha yuraklarni, millionlab umrlarni qattiq dovul zulmiga uchragan qum zarralari kabi har tomon kun payakun qilishga qodir vaqt uning oldida bosh egadi. Uning oldida o’ta ojiz. U shunchalik qudratliki, uning oldida yuraklar ham, zulmat bag’ridan kelgan dard va nurli sayyora elchisi – sog’inch ham sukut saqlaydi. Hamma gap – u paydo bo’lgan oniy nafasda uni imkon qadar ilg’ab qolishda. Ulgurish kerak. Umrning choragi faqat u haqdagi o’y-hayollar bilan o’tdi-ketdi. Muhimi, bu yog’iga – uning borligiga hech bo’lmasa iymon keltirish uchun idrok va yorug’lik hissini anglab ulgursam, bo’lgani. 

Dogs, hands, and humans

If your dog bites your hand while feeding, dont punish it as it will come back for more food again. It can then only look at your hands, but cant look up your eyes. This is how you know it regrets the bite. Just like us humans)